I took a parenting class this semester (a little too late,
but it was required) where we discussed Baumrind’s parenting styles: permissive,
authoritative, and authoritarian. We
discussed the basic tenets and outcomes of each style. We learned that authoritative parenting is
known to produce the best outcomes for children (they become healthy, well
adjusted, and productive adults), especially in western societies which value
individualism. Interestingly though, is
that authoritarian parenting (strict, dictatorship) in “traditional families”
(meaning cultures where community and connectedness are highly valued) also
produce healthy, well adjusted, and productive adults. One reason for the same outcomes from the
different cultures is that in traditional families there is a high level of
support coming from outside sources. The
most support comes from extended family living in close proximity to the
nuclear family, if not in the same home.
They also find support from the community, friends, teachers, and other
local adults. This high level of support
helps guide the children and gives them a sense of belonging.
We discussed all of this in class quite often, and yet
students would often ask why our society does not focus on community and
connectedness. This question of why aren’t
we more community minded was brought up nearly every week. I found myself feeling frustrated each time a
student asked the question. I felt like
yelling “because we parent in a way that produces individualistic attitudes not community minded ones”. "Other cultures value a strong connected society, obedience, and authority. Their parenting styles perpetuate these values."
I never said anything though, because the answer was not as
obvious to my classmates. My teacher
would even say "I don’t know why we are not more community minded." Which frustrated me more because she knew the
answer. She made sure to teach us about
the parenting styles, the outcomes, and the values of the different societies
which are perpetuated by parenting styles. I was also frustrated because I believe there
was a time when we were more socially minded, but as we became “better parents”
we taught our children other values. I believe as
parenting ideas changed, children became the center of the family instead of
contributing, delightful additions. Child-centered
parenting became all the rage, producing children who have high self-worth (so
good) and yet have entitlement issues and feel they are at the center of the universe
(not good). When we made this switch,
society as a whole became much less community minded and much more
individualistic. Now, we have young
adults who ask what my community can do for me, while rarely asking how can I
serve and better my community. I blame
parenting, but there are certainly other causes, not the least of which is a distancing
from God our Father.
Our society, for whatever reasons, has become so individualistic that we ask for
love and acceptance without the intent to return love and acceptance to
others. “You must love me, you must
accept me for who I am”. “You must not
be who you are at the same time though, because you can’t love and accept me
fully as you are”. This is the world we
live in. If you disagree with
lifestyles, beliefs, and/or opinions you are a hateful bigot and therefore must
change. One example of this is the transgender
fight for bathroom privileges. Those,
like North Carolina, who say wait a minute, people with boy parts should use
the men’s bathroom and people with girl parts should use the women’s bathroom
are ridiculed, threatened, and villainized.
In a perfect world, people would know their Creator and respect
the body they were given. However, we do
not live in a perfect world but a fallen one, and there are real people who feel
they are not what their bodies say they are.
How do we solve this real problem?
The solution society has come up with, heaven forbid, is that everyone
gets to use the bathroom and locker room (this is the real issue, bathrooms are
semi-private but locker rooms are not, no shower stalls or dressing stalls)
they feel fits their identity. In fact,
the president has ordered that children in public schools share restrooms and
locker rooms with whoever feels most comfortable in those rooms, whether they
be male or female. If schools don’t
comply they can be sued and will have their funding removed. There, problem solved- except that there are people
who value decency, innocence of children, and chastity and virtue. Their views and feelings are being ignored. This is not the right solution for them. So now what?
In a community based society, I think everyone would ask
themselves what is best for everyone.
What would help strengthen my community?
We might come up with harder solutions such as separate bathrooms and
changing rooms for those not wishing to use the one provided for their biological
sex. This will not offend those wishing
for different accommodations because they are looking for solutions that are best
for everyone as well. As discussions commence
on implementation of solutions, concerns might arise about costs for a third
bathroom that will remain unused most of the time. To serve all customers and employees,
businesses may decide it is just the cost of doing business and provide the
facility or they may brainstorm for other solutions.
The point is that everyone would be searching for the right
solution and what would be best for all involved. We may conclude that trans-gendered
individuals will use the bathroom that fits their biological sex instead of their
feelings about what their sex should be.
Whatever the solution agreed upon it would not be that locker rooms and
bathrooms are no longer safe. I don’t
mean safe in the context of sexual assault.
I mean safe in the context that our children are protected from having
to dress, shower, and use the restroom with the opposite sex. They are protected from exposing their bodies
to those of the opposite sex and having opposite sex bodies exposed to them. Children are not allowed to live according to their values of modesty and
decency because of anti-discrimination laws? That is what this order from the president is saying AND IT IS WRONG.
It should be a no brainer that girls and boys have separate private
bathrooms based on their biological sex.
It has been this way for generations, but we live in a society that is
all about “me”. What is best for “me”,
what will make “me” feel more comfortable?
We have become so individualistic, that we hardly ever consider what is
right and best for everyone. How sad
that we are so far removed from truly loving and caring for each other that
bathroom and locker room privacy is no longer a protected right.
