My Conversion process

A little while ago I posted a blog on Testimony vs. Conversion. I've been thinking the last couple of days about my conversion to the gospel of Christ. I've been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints since I was eight years old. I've been attending church since I was a baby. Looking back I feel I've had a testimony most of my life but I feel like I've been converted to the gospel only the last couple of years. I thought I'd share my process with you. I call it a process because it wasn't a one time "WOW" thing, it happened over a period of time. It first started when I was reading a book series by Chris Stewart, an LDS author, called "The Great and the Terrible". The first book starts out in the premortal life or the time before we were born. (As Latter Day Saints we know that our spirits lived before we were born, with Heavenly Father where we learned and progressed as much as we could but need to get bodies and be tried and tested here in mortality.) The characters were righteous and when they were ready to come to earth they would have important missions to fulfill. Well this started me thinking about my mission and what I was supposed to do here. I started to read my patriarchal blessing. ("Patriarchal blessings are given to worthy members of the Church by ordained patriarchs. Patriarchal blessings include a declaration of a person's lineage in the house of Israel and contain personal counsel from the Lord. As a person studies his or her patriarchal blessing and follows the counsel it contains, it will provide guidance, comfort, and protection." LDS.org).
I started to read my blessing and realized I was falling short of the things I was supposed to be doing. I realized I could have a great work to do if I was doing the things my blessing counseled me to do. I started to think of the scripture "Many are called few are chosen." I read my blessing every week for a while and started wondering if it was too late to be chosen for the mission I felt I had been called at one time to do. A few months later I started reading "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball. I read the chapter about sins of omission. Which talks about how we keep the don'ts of the commandments but leave out the do's. It helped me once again to realize there was so much more I could be doing. Then a few weeks later I was asked to speak in church about spiritual experiences. As I prepared for the talk I thought back about spiritual experiences I had and realized that Heavenly Father had blessed me greatly and yet I hadn't really changed or became better. I once again was given the oppertunity to see a need for change. I began to desire this change. I wanted so much to be better and be the person my patriarchal blessing described. I desired to be one of the chosen and not just called. I still worried that it could be too late. Then when I was reading the Book of Mormon ,in Alma of course (love that book) the answer came to me of how I still could be chosen. Alma 13:3-10. Now these scriptures are talking about High priests in the priesthood but I likened these scriptures unto myself. It talks about people called for the work and in the premortal life are on the same standing as those chosen but because of choices and hardening their hearts the privilege was not theirs. verse 4 "And thus they have been called to this holy calling on account of their faith, while others would reject the spirit of God on account of the hardness of their hearts and the blindness of their mind, while, if it had not been for this they might have had as great privilege as their brethren." And then verse 10 told me what I needed to do ".... and it was on account of their exceeding faith and "REPENTANCE" and their righteousness before God, they CHOOSING TO REPENT AND WORK RIGHTEOUSNESS rather than perish." So I needed to repent, have exceeding faith, and work righteousness. I really tried to be better. Pray, Ponder, Study the scriptures, attend the temple, work hard in my calling, do my visiting teaching, family scripture reading. Now I am not perfect at these things at all but as I tried to work hard at doing them, changes happened. I could feel the Holy Ghost so much more and recognize promtings better, easier. I loved doing these things instead of feeling like I had to do them. I saw people as brothers and sisters and desired and still desire to help and care for them. I desired to share the gospel and when those around me had life questions I was able to share gospel principles that I knew to be true and a great help. I loved living the gospel and it wasn't a sacrifice at all to do these things because the blessings were so great. I also started to see how much I still had to work on. The closer I felt to God the more I could see I needed to do. I still have a lot to work on but I never want to go back to the time before when I feel like I was spiritually surviving. Spiritually living AKA conversion to the gospel is so much better. Now please don't think that I think that I am ready for Celestial Glory or anything. I still fall short a lot repentance is a big part of my life. I have a lot to work on, but I know who I am and what I can be and I feel closer to my Heavenly Father than I ever have before. I feel my heart has been changed. I am so greatful for a loving Heavenly Father who has given me this great blessing and for my Savior who made this change and continued repentance possible. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.