Sad and Tired, But I Can Be the Change I Want to See.

For the last few days I've felt like there is a black cloud above me, my church, and Utah. We have been bombarded with reports about the excommunication of Kate Kelly. I have wasted countless hours reading not only articles, but comments on the articles. I gotta say my heart hurts.

I hurt for sister Kelly, for her priesthood leaders and ward family, for Ordain Women, for a new group called Strangers in Zion, for the Church leaders, and every member of this church. It is a sad time for us right now. A time of sifting you might say, as members are deciding which side they are going to stand on. I know that seems to be simplifying issues a bit, but that is what it comes down to. Do I stand with the Prophet, my Savior, and my Heavenly Father, or do I decide it is in my best interest to stand with a person, just like me, with no authority or power given to speak and act for the Church in behalf of God. To me this is a no brainer. Of course I side with the former group.

Others, however, are choosing a different side and it hurts. It is a sad time. It will probably be even sadder in the next few days as we are coming closer to another public disciplinary council. I'm tired.

I'm tired of reading about it over and over again. (You'd think I'd stay away from social media then wouldn't you, but I can't stop). I'm tired of the arguments about why women should be ordained. I'm tired that many feel there is no direct word from God so it needs to be changed. I'm tired that patterns in the scriptures, scriptures, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, and words of current Apostles are all being ignored. I'm tired that accusations are being thrown out about my beloved Prophet being a discriminator and worse my Savior as one well, because, lets face it, since the beginning this is how the church has been run. When Christ set up His church when he was on earth called 12 male apostles. I'm tired of people demanding what they want rather than being grateful that they have all they need. I'm so tired.

Even more than all of this, I'm tired of comments full of hate and anger. Satan thinks he is winning in this battle for the souls of men and he's not completely wrong. He is winning some hearts by leading people away because of desires and beliefs contradicting God's, and then those who claim they are on God's side he is leading astray with contentions. There is so much contention even/especially among members on these comment threads, it breaks my heart and makes me tired. Do we truly feel we are following Christ when we are rude to others? Do we think we can persuade others from the path they have chosen by Yelling!!! at them on social media? Contention is of the devil. Once we depart from lovingly testifying of truth and start yelling out our beliefs, even if backed by scriptures and the words of prophets, the Holy Ghost is gone and all teaching ceases. I usually don't get involved in the comments, I just read them and feel so sad. But....

I started a new motto the other day “Be the change you want to see in the world”. While reading comments on a news site I decided if I was going to be the change I want to see, I'm going to have to engage- civilly. So I did and had a very nice discussion with a stranger. She shared her side because I was not rude and defensive about my side. I shared my side some, but I could see early on that she wasn't going to be swayed. So I thanked her for the discussion, corrected somethings that I felt she had misunderstood I was saying that she used during arguments to others, and wished her a good night. When it was done I felt I had made a friend. We didn't persuade one another, but I think we could understand each other better. I felt relieved that it can be done. We can discuss issues civilly without fear of being persuaded away from what we know is right and without being able to persuade the other party to our way of thinking. It can be done and friendships can form in the process leading to more chances for discussion. Which can lead to helping our fellow man. My motto is all about doing, that is what I have to remember.

Instead of feeling so tired and sad, I need to go out and do. Live by my motto. I need to love and help those around me. I want the world to change, can I be strong enough to be the change I want to see? I think I can. With Heavens help I know I can. I hope we can all be a little better, a little kinder, a little meeker, and a little more loving. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.