To My Mother: With Love and Admiration

My birthday is tomorrow.  I am turning 41.  41, not yet old but no longer young, appropriately termed “middle-aged”.  Birthdays have never been difficult for me, it is, after all, just a number.  This one is different.  With this birthday come feelings of trepidation and wistfulness.   Why? Why 41 and not 40?  As I pondered on this question, I realized this is the age my mother was when my father died.  The age at which my mother was left a widow with 6 children to either send out of the nest, tolerate through teenage years while trying to maintain enough control to keep them from doing something stupid, or to finish rearing.

41, so young to be left without the love of her life, so young to be left to finish raising her children alone.   And, yet she did it.  She did not want to, and she didn’t do it perfectly, but she carried on and her faith carried her and us through.  And now, being here, ready to turn 41, I am in awe and completely amazed that she did it.  That she didn’t give up.  She got up and went to work every day and trudged down her lonely, long path.  She always reminded us that families are forever, that death is temporary and we would see and be with our father again.  She clung to that and gave us that witness continually.  She is amazing and so strong.  I appreciate her so much more today than I did back then.  (I was one of the teenagers she had to tolerate and maintain some control over).  

Now, turning 41, I can’t imagine the pain and sorrow she endured and trudging on as she did.  I am in awe that she could sit through her oldest son’s graduation just a few weeks after losing her husband then send him off on a mission 5 months later all while trying to grieve and provide for the other children ranging in age from 10 to 17.  My mother is amazing, and I have not told her enough how much I love her and admire her for getting us through such a difficult time.  I appreciate her faith and trust in a loving Heavenly Father and His plan for us and her testifying to us often of that plan and eternal families. 

I can never understand all that she went through because I have not experienced such a trial, but I am the same age she was when she suffered the greatest loss of her life.  I have an 18-year-old about to graduate and who is preparing for a mission, the same age as my oldest brother was when my dad died.  My middle child is the age I was (also a middle child) when I lost my father.  These similarities give me a greater perspective of the daunting task that lay before my mother and gives me a greater understanding of the magnificent woman that she is.  I love and admire her so much.  To my mother: Thank you, I would not be who I am today without you, your perseverance, your strength, and your love.  You're amazing.