To My Mother: With Love and Admiration

My birthday is tomorrow.  I am turning 41.  41, not yet old but no longer young, appropriately termed “middle-aged”.  Birthdays have never been difficult for me, it is, after all, just a number.  This one is different.  With this birthday come feelings of trepidation and wistfulness.   Why? Why 41 and not 40?  As I pondered on this question, I realized this is the age my mother was when my father died.  The age at which my mother was left a widow with 6 children to either send out of the nest, tolerate through teenage years while trying to maintain enough control to keep them from doing something stupid, or to finish rearing.

41, so young to be left without the love of her life, so young to be left to finish raising her children alone.   And, yet she did it.  She did not want to, and she didn’t do it perfectly, but she carried on and her faith carried her and us through.  And now, being here, ready to turn 41, I am in awe and completely amazed that she did it.  That she didn’t give up.  She got up and went to work every day and trudged down her lonely, long path.  She always reminded us that families are forever, that death is temporary and we would see and be with our father again.  She clung to that and gave us that witness continually.  She is amazing and so strong.  I appreciate her so much more today than I did back then.  (I was one of the teenagers she had to tolerate and maintain some control over).  

Now, turning 41, I can’t imagine the pain and sorrow she endured and trudging on as she did.  I am in awe that she could sit through her oldest son’s graduation just a few weeks after losing her husband then send him off on a mission 5 months later all while trying to grieve and provide for the other children ranging in age from 10 to 17.  My mother is amazing, and I have not told her enough how much I love her and admire her for getting us through such a difficult time.  I appreciate her faith and trust in a loving Heavenly Father and His plan for us and her testifying to us often of that plan and eternal families. 

I can never understand all that she went through because I have not experienced such a trial, but I am the same age she was when she suffered the greatest loss of her life.  I have an 18-year-old about to graduate and who is preparing for a mission, the same age as my oldest brother was when my dad died.  My middle child is the age I was (also a middle child) when I lost my father.  These similarities give me a greater perspective of the daunting task that lay before my mother and gives me a greater understanding of the magnificent woman that she is.  I love and admire her so much.  To my mother: Thank you, I would not be who I am today without you, your perseverance, your strength, and your love.  You're amazing.

Life Can Be Hard- but It Gets Better

For an assignment in an undergraduate Psychology class a few years ago I showed a picture that represented my life.  It was a family with 5 children all playing and making a mess in their parents’ bedroom while their parents lay in bed.  The instructor asked if the number of children was a true representation.  I answered “yes, there are only 5.”  Everyone laughed.  It’s funny that 5 kids doesn't seem like that many to me now.  There was a time, however, when 5 children seemed nearly too daunting for me to handle.  It wasn’t really the 5 children, life seemed too daunting, I felt like I was drowning.

Illustrated by Val Chadwick Bagley 2014

I’m sharing this story for many reasons.  First, I read recently that far too much of what we share online doesn’t represent real life.  The article claimed we share all the good, fun things with very little of the hard stuff.  This post is about a hard time I went through.  Second, and more importantly, another friend shared an article from lds.org called “The Gift of Being Broken” and while reading it, I felt impressed to blog about this brief but extremely difficult time in my life.  I was broken. Partly because of my own mistakes (taking the easy way out instead of the right way) and partly because that’s life, sometimes it is hard.

My youngest was born in November of 2010, nearly 6 years ago.  We were so excited, he was the first (and only) boy in a sea of girls.   When I was 5 to 6 months pregnant with him my brother-in-law moved in with us.  We have a 4 bedroom house, the 4 girls shared 2 rooms and the 4^th room was being used as an office for Jon (my husband).  We turned it into a bedroom for Jon’s brother.  In November, when the baby came, he slept in the living room in a bassinet.  Yes, I know, most if not all of the great moms I know have their babies sleep in the same room with them.  This doesn’t work for me for many reasons that I’m not going to go into in this post.  The baby slept in the living room.

Three of the four older kids were in school so mornings were rough.  I was getting up early to get them ready for school and to have scripture study before they left.  I didn’t want to get out of the habit of scripture study so we were still doing it every weekday morning.  (As soon as the kids got up, I wheeled the baby down the hall to the older girls' room since they would be gone most of the day.) I was getting about 5 hours of sleep a night broken up: 3 hours sleep, a feeding, and then 2 more hours of sleep before the alarm went off.  Scripture study was, to say the least, interesting.  There were frequent yawns and little understanding of what was read.  My brain worked so poorly in the early morning that I would check my caller ID in the late morning or early afternoon (after taking a nap).  If someone had called I would call them back to ask if I had volunteered for something.  I had to call them back because I could not recall the earlier conversation.  I have never felt so exhausted before or since.

It wasn’t just exhaustion though, that subsided after 11 weeks when the baby started sleeping through the night.  I was cooking for another mouth, sometimes 2 other mouths.  My brother-in-law had started dating a good friend of mine who would come to my house to help me in the afternoon.  She would stay until he came home from work, then often through dinner and most of the evening which made it difficult for me to spend time with my husband and kids.  I started feeling overwhelmed with it all and tried to deal with it the easy way instead of the right way. 

After about a month or so, when my friend would call and ask if I needed any help, I started telling her that I was fine and had it covered.  My brother-in-law felt she was more interested in hanging out with me than him and lost interest.  So I just stopped having her come over.  I should have had a conversation with her about the boundaries I needed, but knowing her like I did, I felt she wouldn’t understand and would just feel hurt.  Not explaining my actions hurt her even more and after a few months our relationship was done.  She was going through some stuff of her own at this time and while I tried my best to be there for her, she felt like I didn't do enough.   Which is true because I was dealing with my own stuff.

During this time I was babysitting for my friend and neighbor.  This proved too much for me and I had to tell her I couldn’t do it anymore.  I couldn’t help my friend, I had lost another friend, and I was drowning in dishes, laundry, and the kids’ messes.  I couldn’t keep up.  After about 3 months of trying to keep everything together and failing miserably, I had a breakdown.  I started crying all of the time, over dumb stuff.  I forgot piano lessons for my oldest, not completely forgot, but dropped her off 10 minutes late and couldn’t stop crying.  My husband couldn’t find a clean pair of socks which set off a crying session.  Just so you know this didn’t continue for more than a week or I would have gone to a doctor.  It lasted long enough that my husband was worried.  I called my mom who suffers from depression, worried that all of a sudden I too was suffering from depression.

The Saturday of the week described above my husband and his brother were planning a shopping trip for motorcycle equipment.  My husband was dressing for the adventure and, again, he couldn’t find socks.  I lost it.  I started crying and couldn’t stop.  He, of course, canceled the excursion with his brother to stay home with me, which made me feel even worse.  I didn’t know why I was crying so much and having such a hard time.  I needed help but didn’t know where to turn, I didn’t know what would really help me.  I could ask for help in my house and get a handle on things there, but then it would just get messy again and I wasn’t sure that would fix things.  I could kick my brother-in-law out and give my son a real bedroom, but it wasn’t about my brother-in-law- he wasn’t the problem.  I didn’t have an answer for what I really needed.

My husband took me out window shopping to get me out of the house, once I gained control of the crying.  While we were out two thoughts came to me.  The first was ‘what would I ask my visiting teachers to do if they called to help me?’  The answer that popped in my head was ‘I would ask them help with my house work,’- not the root of the problem.  Then I thought ‘what would I tell someone who wasn’t a close friend or family member who asked if they could help?’  With this thought, flippant responses came into my head- ‘a million dollars, a house that cleans itself’, and then the epiphany- ‘I just need to stop feeling like I’m letting everyone down.’ 

There it was: my answer, why I was out of control.  I was letting my friends and family down and it was depressing me.  I couldn’t tend for my friend across the street.  I had ruined my relationship with another friend because I wasn’t willing to have a difficult conversation with her.  I wasn’t keeping up with my house or my kids’ activities.  I was sinking and everyone around me was suffering for it. 

This epiphany was so freeing, though.  Once I found the root of the problem I could find solutions.  I realized it is okay to say “no” to things when I have an infant at home and 4 other kids.  This was news to me.  I say “yes” to everything and saying “no” feels worse than doing too much, in my mind anyway.  But I learned I cannot run faster than I have strength.  I learned that it is okay that the house is messy as long as we have clean dishes to eat on and clean clothes to wear, truthfully sometimes we didn’t.  I also did some math and realized I was spending about 5 hours of my day feeding, changing, and playing with the baby.   That means I have 5 fewer hours in the day to do all of the things I used to do.  I realized that I needed to let go of all the things that I think I should be doing and focus on the most important things.  Once I started to focus on my family and saying “no” to less important things the more calm and happy I became. 

Now 5 kids feels like nothing.  I try to say “yes” when I can and don't feel guilty when I have to say "no".  I babysit now and then.  I went back to school when my baby was not quite two which was and is a whole new adventure and learning experience.  I am happy and healthy and grateful for the lessons I learned.  I made mistakes, mistakes that still have to be owned up to and apologies made.  I love my kids dearly, but I am not perfect, I struggle with many weaknesses.  But, here is the truth-life is good because God is good and mistakes and weaknesses can be overcome through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Life can be hard, but it gets better, sometimes it takes a long time, but it will get better.  I  say this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen. 

Individualism and Anti-discrimination Bathroom Laws

I took a parenting class this semester (a little too late, but it was required) where we discussed Baumrind’s parenting styles: permissive, authoritative, and authoritarian.   We discussed the basic tenets and outcomes of each style.  We learned that authoritative parenting is known to produce the best outcomes for children (they become healthy, well adjusted, and productive adults), especially in western societies which value individualism.  Interestingly though, is that authoritarian parenting (strict, dictatorship) in “traditional families” (meaning cultures where community and connectedness are highly valued) also produce healthy, well adjusted, and productive adults.  One reason for the same outcomes from the different cultures is that in traditional families there is a high level of support coming from outside sources.  The most support comes from extended family living in close proximity to the nuclear family, if not in the same home.  They also find support from the community, friends, teachers, and other local adults.  This high level of support helps guide the children and gives them a sense of belonging. 

We discussed all of this in class quite often, and yet students would often ask why our society does not focus on community and connectedness.  This question of why aren’t we more community minded was brought up nearly every week.  I found myself feeling frustrated each time a student asked the question.  I felt like yelling “because we parent in a way that produces individualistic attitudes not community minded ones”.   "Other cultures value a strong connected society, obedience, and authority. Their parenting styles perpetuate these values." 

I never said anything though, because the answer was not as obvious to my classmates.  My teacher would even say "I don’t know why we are not more community minded."  Which frustrated me more because she knew the answer.  She made sure to teach us about the parenting styles, the outcomes, and the values of the different societies which are perpetuated by parenting styles.  I was also frustrated because I believe there was a time when we were more socially minded, but as we became “better parents” we taught our children other values.  I believe as parenting ideas changed, children became the center of the family instead of contributing, delightful additions.  Child-centered parenting became all the rage, producing children who have high self-worth (so good) and yet have entitlement issues and feel they are at the center of the universe (not good).  When we made this switch, society as a whole became much less community minded and much more individualistic.  Now, we have young adults who ask what my community can do for me, while rarely asking how can I serve and better my community.  I blame parenting, but there are certainly other causes, not the least of which is a distancing from God our Father.

Our society, for whatever reasons, has become so individualistic that we ask for love and acceptance without the intent to return love and acceptance to others.  “You must love me, you must accept me for who I am”.  “You must not be who you are at the same time though, because you can’t love and accept me fully as you are”.  This is the world we live in.  If you disagree with lifestyles, beliefs, and/or opinions you are a hateful bigot and therefore must change.  One example of this is the transgender fight for bathroom privileges.  Those, like North Carolina, who say wait a minute, people with boy parts should use the men’s bathroom and people with girl parts should use the women’s bathroom are ridiculed, threatened, and villainized. 

In a perfect world, people would know their Creator and respect the body they were given.  However, we do not live in a perfect world but a fallen one, and there are real people who feel they are not what their bodies say they are.  How do we solve this real problem?  The solution society has come up with, heaven forbid, is that everyone gets to use the bathroom and locker room (this is the real issue, bathrooms are semi-private but locker rooms are not, no shower stalls or dressing stalls) they feel fits their identity.  In fact, the president has ordered that children in public schools share restrooms and locker rooms with whoever feels most comfortable in those rooms, whether they be male or female.  If schools don’t comply they can be sued and will have their funding removed.  There, problem solved- except that there are people who value decency, innocence of children, and chastity and virtue.  Their views and feelings are being ignored.  This is not the right solution for them.  So now what? 

In a community based society, I think everyone would ask themselves what is best for everyone.  What would help strengthen my community?  We might come up with harder solutions such as separate bathrooms and changing rooms for those not wishing to use the one provided for their biological sex.  This will not offend those wishing for different accommodations because they are looking for solutions that are best for everyone as well.  As discussions commence on implementation of solutions, concerns might arise about costs for a third bathroom that will remain unused most of the time.  To serve all customers and employees, businesses may decide it is just the cost of doing business and provide the facility or they may brainstorm for other solutions. 

The point is that everyone would be searching for the right solution and what would be best for all involved.  We may conclude that trans-gendered individuals will use the bathroom that fits their biological sex instead of their feelings about what their sex should be.  Whatever the solution agreed upon it would not be that locker rooms and bathrooms are no longer safe.  I don’t mean safe in the context of sexual assault.  I mean safe in the context that our children are protected from having to dress, shower, and use the restroom with the opposite sex.  They are protected from exposing their bodies to those of the opposite sex and having opposite sex bodies exposed to them.  Children are not allowed to live according to their values of modesty and decency because of anti-discrimination laws?  That is what this order from the president is saying AND IT IS WRONG.

It should be a no brainer that girls and boys have separate private bathrooms based on their biological sex.  It has been this way for generations, but we live in a society that is all about “me”.  What is best for “me”, what will make “me” feel more comfortable?  We have become so individualistic, that we hardly ever consider what is right and best for everyone.  How sad that we are so far removed from truly loving and caring for each other that bathroom and locker room privacy is no longer a protected right.

Leaving the Darkness for the Light

The Dark ages was a thousand year period (roughly) that began about 500 years after the death of Christ.  It is described as the Dark Ages because it was a time of chaos, war, disease, and a time of intellectual and cultural stagnation.  The classes of people were so divided that only property owners or lords were educated and the rest worked for long hours and little pay with no way of improving their situations.  This led to a stagnation of learning and growth.  Some claim the Catholic Church worked to stifle scientific study and discovery, most likely because of fear.  These were some of the most difficult times in all civilization.  In the Book of Mormon, this period or just before it (300-400 ad) is described as some of the bloodiest, barbaric times ever experienced by their civilizations and their records span the years from 600 BC to 400 AD. 

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we believe that the death of Christ and His apostles brought about a time of spiritual darkness.  All but one of the apostles were killed and all priesthood authority was taken from the earth.  Without spiritual light and knowledge, the times were certainly dark and would remain that way until the world was ready for righteousness and truth to be restored.  These were the darkest of times.

I have been contemplating recently the “Dark ages” of my life.  There may be some that have never experienced “Dark Ages” or maybe have experienced times of “brown outs” where the lights don’t quite go out, but flicker a bit or become weak. I, however, have experienced a short period of my life that I would describe as “Dark Ages”.  It was dark because of chaos (confusion, transitions, and uncertainties), fear, and sin.  Much like the “Dark Ages” of the past, there was a war going on about who I wanted to be and the opposing choices I was making.  The disease of sin was overcoming me and I was succumbing to the destructive influences.  Truthfully, I was lost and didn’t really know it.  At the time, I didn’t feel lost.  I knew the way home.  I just wasn’t ready to move toward it yet.  I was willing and content to play in the darkness without wandering too far from the path I knew would lead me home.  I didn’t realize until sometime later how far off the path I had gone and how difficult it had become to find my way back. What I didn’t understand was that it is not possible to wander off the path and not get lost and have to struggle to come home again.  

I wanted to live in the light, but my choices were leading me further and further into the darkness.  Fortunately, this period didn’t last too long.  I needed a change, I needed spiritual light.  The darkness was full of despair, confusion, and sometimes loneliness.   I didn’t want to live like that anymore.  Things had to change.  I had to change!  I had to right my wrongs.  I couldn’t live in the light making wrong choices.  I had to repent. 

Repentance is such a wonderful, freeing process.  Many times we think of repentance as scary, too difficult, and painful.  While, all of these feelings are present before repentance, the process is truly freeing, relieving, and healing.  Repentance requires an admittance of wrong doing.  I was ready to do that, yes I had sinned.  The next step is to feel sorrow and not just the “oh shoot, I got caught” sorrow, but the “I have broken my Father’s commandments and have turned away from Him” sorrow.  Then we confess to whom we have hurt or trespassed against and to our Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ and make restitution where possible.  Lastly, we resolve never to commit that wrong again. 

Restitution is an important step because this should bring peace to both parties.  Payment, in some way, is made to the offended and the offender has the peace of knowing they have done all that they could to pay for their mistake.  Sometimes, there is no restitution we can make, we can apologize, we can stop the behavior, but there are times when we cannot undo, give back, or make up for what we have done.  In times like these, peace comes from turning to our Bishop and confessing to him our mistakes.  Sometimes doing this brings, what many in the LDS church term punishments.  I like to think of them as chances to make some kind of restitution.   We can be faithful to whatever our judge asks of us and in that way we are able to show obedience and humility.  As we act faithfully and obediently, the peace of doing all we can to resolve our wrongs encompasses us.  Then we can feel the peace of forgiveness and become full partakers of the light.  The process is beautiful!  AND it is only possible because “God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son.” 

Without my Savior I would still be lost, living in darkness, and in despair.   I promise that repentance is possible, forgiveness is real.  Our Savior paid for all of our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the Cross of Calvary.    We all can live in light and truth as we repent (or turn back to the God who gave us life).  I wish I had the words to describe my feelings about my Savior, His all-encompassing love, and atoning sacrifice for us.  Instead I will share Nephi’s words “I glory in my Jesus, for He hath redeemed my soul from hell” (2 Nephi 33:6).  I know Jesus lives and He suffered and died for us.  I know He has overcome death and hell.   We can live in His love and His light as we repent and strive to be obedient to His commandments.   I am a living witness that the redemptive power of the Savior is real, we can overcome our weaknesses and put our past mistakes behind us. We can move on, change, and become what our Heavenly Father and Savior want us to become.  It is possible.  We are not our mistakes, we are children of God with the potential to become as He is.  My prayer is that the light, love, and peace of Our Savior will fill our hearts this Christmas season and always.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.  

What Jesus Christ Would Do and Say to the LGBT+ Community, Religious Communities, and Everyone In Between

Don’t you love/hate it when you wake up at 1:30 in the morning feeling inspired, but unable to go back to sleep until you get all the thoughts out of your head and down on paper.  That is what happened to me this morning.  Yesterday, a friend of mine shared a blog post on facebook that had me doing some introspection and much pondering.  The blog article was this http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/04/gays-religious-traditionalists-and-the-feeling-of-being-under-siege/389694/?utm_source=btn-facebook-control.  

It discussed empathy between the LGBT+ community and “religious traditionalist.”  The more I pondered on the empathy idea, the more I felt that if any two groups should have empathy for one another it is these two groups.  We’ve all been in darkness because of sin and felt the loneliness and sorrow that comes with it.  Not only that, but persecution is not new for either group and too often there has been physical hurt along with the emotional, mental, and economical pain suffered by both.  These two groups have actually walked in each other shoes and should therefore, be understanding and empathetic to each other. Yet, and unfortunately, some of those belonging to these two groups are caught in an eye for an eye cycle of persecution, instead of living the golden rule. In situations like these, where there seems to be an impasse, the question always comes to the mind of the follower of Christ: What would Jesus do?

To both of these groups along with everyone in between I would say that Christ’s actions and words were and are always intended to lift, comfort, bless, and rescue all of the children of God.  He would show love, be compassionate, serve, and heal according to the faith of the receiver.  He would teach a higher, nobler, and holier way.  We know what Christ would say because we have His words and teachings today.  “Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden light (Matthew 11: 28-30, King James Version of the Holy Bible).  “Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me (Mark 8:34, JKV).  “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27, KJV).  “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace.  In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16: 33, KJV).   “For God so loved the world that he gave his Only Begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.  For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved” (John 3: 16-17, KJV).   “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more (John 8: 11, KJV).  “For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all that they might not suffer if they would repent…. Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed from every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men” (Doctrine and Covenants 19: 16, 18-19).

“And this is my doctrine, and it is the doctrine which the Father hath given unto me; and I bear record of the Father, and the Father beareth record of me, and the Holy Ghost beareth record of the Father and me; and I bear record that the Father commandeth all men, everywhere, to repent and believe” (Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 11: 32).  And they shall believe in me, that I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and shall pray unto the Father in my name” (Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 20: 31).

Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, along with the prophets of old and the prophets today, send invitations to all men everywhere to come and partake of eternal life: believe, repent, be baptized by authority given from God, and endure to the end and receive eternal life.  This is the message true followers of Christ want all men to hear.

“And now, my beloved brethren [and sisters]… and all ye ends of the earth, hearken unto these words and believe in Christ…. And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ” (2 Nephi 33: 10).  “Yeah come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind, and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God” (Moroni 10:32).  In the name of Jesus Christ amen.

Perfect: Not Me

I have made big mistakes and small mistakes in my life, I haven't stopped, yet. The big mistakes were still eating at me until recently, but the only real differences are the amount of time it takes to change (repent), and the things I need to do to make restitution. Each one is disobedience and each one, without repentance, keeps me from attaining the Kingdom of God. “No unclean thing can enter his kingdom” (3 Nephi 27:19) and “For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.” (Doctrine and Covenants 1:31) One reason I kept holding onto my big mistakes was because I was unsure that the process of repentance was complete, even though I have felt forgiven many times.  Another reason was the belief that I should have been better than that in the first place. 

I should have been stronger and smarter. But who says? Me? My Mom? My leaders? My friends? Yes, to all of the above, but what other people think of me is none of my business, so I'll concentrate on me.  Did I expect to be perfect? Did I think I would get through life without any crimson marks on me? Did I think I was like unto Jesus Christ? The answer is no, but... I have held myself to a higher standard throughout my life than I would ever hold anyone else to. But why? Because I'm better, because I know more, because I'm stronger? Of course not, but maybe I thought I should be. The reality is I'm NOT AND I WASN'T then.  I made mistakes that I should have known better and have been better.  Only I wasn't. 

I have had an epiphany in the past few weeks, with the help of sacrament talks, young women lessons (I'm a leader), and stake conference talks. My epiphany is this, I did not come to earth to live a perfect life. (That shouldn't be new information).  Only one person was called upon to do that. I was sent here to learn and grow so I can eventually, and I mean EVENTUALLY, reach perfection. Does this excuse me from my sins? No! It means I need to learn from them, repent and forsake them, and learn what led to the mistakes I made (fear of man, selfishness, laziness, pleasures of the flesh, etc.) so I can change that. It means once I have figured out what led to the sin, or the root cause, and have started to work on being better, I need to let go and forgive myself. I am not perfect, yet, and that is okay.

Another lesson I have learned is that Jesus Christ came and suffered for me and my sins and everyone's sins who have ever lived. I do not cause Him more pain by making many or “bigger” mistakes, He has already suffered it, I do not cause Him less Pain by making fewer or “smaller” mistakes, HE ALREADY SUFFERED IT ALL. I save myself a lot of pain and suffering if I can be obedient, and when I can't or won't, I have an opportunity to learn, grow, and become better. I have an opportunity to come unto Him and feel of His great love for me and His mercy.

There is a story in the Bible that has always troubled me and I think I am starting to figure it out. Jesus is eating with publicans and sinners, the scribes and Pharisees see him, and become offended that He would be doing such a thing. They ask His disciples why would he spend time with such dross. He hears them and answers “.. They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Mark 2:17

When I read this, I always think 'aren't we all sinners or sick and need repentance and the physician?' The answer is yes. However, a physician cannot heal if the sick do not believe they need to be healed, or if they do not believe the physician has power to do so.

Jesus wasn't telling the Pharisees that they were good, or perfect even, and that they didn't need Him. He understood that they were in denial of the sickness they were suffering from. He understood that they did not have faith in His power and ability to heal them.

Jesus Christ came to earth to show us the way, and provide us sinners a way back to our Heavenly Father. We came to earth to learn, grow, and become like Him as we accept Him as our physician, our SAVIOR. That is my job, not to worry about the past and how many times I have chosen evil over good, which was expected of me sometimes (that is why Christ came). I need to let that go and focus on coming unto and becoming like my Savior and Redeemer. I need to stop beating myself up and move on. So I haven't been as good here as I hoped I would be. It isn't over yet, I can become better and better as I work at growing and changing, and that IS all that is expected of me and all of us.

Elder Jeffery R Holland said “So be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of [others]... Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with....” In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Christlike Love

Matthew, an apostle of Jesus Christ, wrote about the Pharisee and lawyer who asked Christ which is the greatest of all the commandments. The Savior answered “Thou shalt love the Lord your God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.... And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Matthew 22: 36, 37, and 39)

President Thomas S. Monson (Prophet and president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) said “We cannot truly love God if we do not love our fellow travelers on this mortal journey. Likewise, we cannot fully love our fellowmen if we do not love God, the Father of us all. The Apostle John tells us, 'This commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also' (1 John 4:21). We are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father and, as such, are brothers and sisters. As we keep this truth in mind, loving all of God’s children will become easier.”

Many people, especially now-a-days, like to claim that those who do not profess a love of God at all and claim he does not exist are more loving than those who say they love God and want to follow Him. This belief seems incorrect to me. First, it is important to remember we are all on this earth to learn and grow and none of us are perfect. Not one of us has quite perfected loving others or God as Christ did. So will we always treat others with perfect kindness and charity? The answer is no. But I believe those who love God with everything in them will come closer than those who do not. Wait, what, why?

Because those who love God with everything in them, want to serve Him and keep His commandments. They understand who they are -children of God. Therefore, they understand who their fellow travelers are -children of God, brothers and sisters. Without this understanding, individuals cannot fully love their neighbors, especially not as they love themselves. Because they have not learned who they truly are yet, and do not fully love themselves yet. It is all intertwined.

God's love for all of His children is perfect, eternal, and unconditional. He will love us no matter what we choose to do here on earth. However, it is important to state that to love does not mean to approve, condone, or permit. His love never goes away, but there are consequences for our actions. If not so God would cease to be God. He has said no unclean thing can enter His presence. Therefore, He expects us to become clean. The way to cleanliness is through the Atoning sacrifice of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. We are all sinners and therefore unclean, but the way has been provided for us to repent and forsake our sins that we may be made clean through the blood of the Savior of mankind.

A common problem today is that we do not want to be told we are sinners. We want to be patted on the head and told that we are just fine the way we are, that we are already perfect. We want to believe that if there is a god, he created us as good as we are going to get, or as perfect as he wants us to be. This is the “love” we desire from others. However, the purpose of this life is to improve and learn to love and obey as the only perfect living soul on the earth did, even Jesus Christ.

How do we learn this love? First, perfection is not anything we can achieve in the fallen world we live in, but we can become better and better as we continue to try. Jesus has shown us so many examples of how to love correctly, righteously. If we follow His example we will be well on our way.

One of my favorite stories of Jesus Christ showing His perfect love is when he was just 12 years old. He, His family and extended family had traveled to Jerusalem to observe the Passover. At the end of the celebration all His family started the journey home, after a day of traveling His parents realized that He was not in the group. They traveled another day back to Jerusalem and spent three days in search of Him. They eventually found Him in the temple teaching those who would listen. When they found Him they asked “Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us, behold thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing.” Jesus answered “How is it that ye sought me, wist ye (know ye) not that I must be about my Father's (God's) business?” Then the scriptures say that Joseph and Mary didn't understand the saying, and Jesus went with them home and became subject unto them (under their control).

What I love about this story is that according to Jewish tradition, He was almost the age of a man and yet he acted in humility and out of love for His parents. He knew they didn't understand quite yet all that He was called to do. He understood the responsibility they felt toward Him that weighed heavily on them, and instead of being a teenager and arguing with them, He loved them as much as He loved Himself. He showed that love by putting their need to take care of Him before any desire to argue His side. For Him, it was not about making sure everyone understood He was in the right, it was about honoring His parents, keeping the 5th commandment.

Another great example from the life of Jesus Christ is the woman taken in adultery. Here, a woman is brought before Him caught in the very act of adultery, no other proof is needed to determine her sin. The law at the time is death by stoning for those whose crimes are so grievous. The Pharisees ask Jesus what will He do. Jesus does not answer right away, but when He does, He asks them to consider their own sins. He asks them to go ahead and stone her if they are without sin. They answer by saving her life and slowly walking away. Jesus speaks to her with love and a commandment. He asks her “where are those, thine accusers, hath no man condemned thee.” She answered that no man had and he said “Neither do I condemn thee, go, and sin no more.” The love He showed was saving her life and allowing her time to repent. The condemnation He was speaking of was death. He did not condemn her to death, and neither did her accusers when Christ pointed out that they were sinners as well. However, He did not say “you are forgiven”, or “you're fine, keep doing what you are doing.” He commanded her to repent when He said “go, and sin no more.”

Love is pointing others to the path of repentance. The path that leads to eternal life, happiness, and peace. Many feel that Christians teaching the Bible and the truth they have found to others is not love, but IT IS. It is what Christ did and what He asked His followers to do. If we teach with love and patience then we are following the example of our Savior. If we yell, condemn others to hell, or Bible bash, we have no love or charity. Love is founded upon righteousness, compassion, kindness, and unselfishness. Is it about lifting and helping others. It is not about who is right and who is wrong, it is about helping others find their true best selves.

It is also about not giving up when others think they already are their best selves, but through kindness and compassion serving and loving them until they can catch a vision of themselves as you see them and as God sees them.

So a tough question to ask when discussing love Is: “Is it love to support traditional marriage?” or as the world sees it “Is it love not to support same-sex marriage?”

Yes! It is love if we are doing it because we sincerely love God, His ways, all of His children, who they are and who they are to become, and who we are and who we are to become. It is love when we see the big eternal picture and know that those choices cannot bring about happiness, but that it will bring destruction and misery to all who follow that path. It is love to support righteousness and to decry evil. It is absolutely love to make sin undesirable and righteousness desirable and easy to follow after.

Is it inequality? Yes! Because sin and righteousness are not equal. They do not bring about equal results nor do they support one another. Where one is rampant the other is restrained. The conflict between the two comes to a head when the numbers on each side start to equal one another. Then people start to fight for their side and try to sway others from their beliefs. When one side wins and restrains the other the conflict subsides, until the pendulum swings again.

Alma, a prophet in The Book of Mormon, teaches us “And thus we see how great the inequality of man is because of sin and transgression, and the power of the devil, which comes by the cunning plans which he hath devised to ensnare the hearts of men” (Alma 28:13). 

What we have to decide is which side is worth fighting for. For those who follow Jesus Christ and read and study the scriptures the decision is relatively easy. The outcome is known. No matter how much the side of sin and unrighteousness seems to be winning, the conflict will end with Christ fighting for His people. Those who fight against Him and His people are destroyed. “This is the inequality of man because of sin.” Some will be raised to inherit eternal glory, some will be raised to inherit some other glory, and a few will inherit no glory at all.

The justice of God is fair and right. Eventually, all will see and proclaim that fact. It will be much better for us all if we can come to this conclusion here on Earth and repent so that mercy can have claim on us.

Love is working for God's ways and working to help bring His children home to Him. We cannot truly love others if we do not first truly love and serve the Father of us all. We cannot truly love The Father if we do not love His children. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.