My Grandmas funeral was on Tuesday Dec. 20, 2011. In her obituary it said she is preceded in death by her father and mother, 4 brothers, 4 sisters, her Husband and 3 sons. (what a happy reunion that must have been) and she is survived by 3 children, 22 Grandchildren, 91 Great grandchildren and 15 great great grandchildren (what a posterity).
A little about my Grandmas sons that died. One was a baby who lived about 36 hours. He was born with a hole in his stomach. The next one was 21 or 22. He was going to school in Texas after his mission he was in a car accident and was killed. The third was my Dad who had a heart attack. I shared that because I remember visiting with my grandma once and we somehow started talking about her baby who had died and she told me that she thought it was because she had taken some medicine. She told me that there had been family staying with them or something like that and she was getting lots of headaches and so she was taking asprin I don't know how often but at least once a day for a week or two (during her pregnancy) and she told me that she thought because of the asprin he had developed a hole in his stomach. I felt really bad, I didn't really know what to say I was thinking how sad that she thinks she had caused her baby's death. But the way she told it, it didn't really sound like she was blaming herself or that she was full of regret because of it. She just kind of said it matter of factly. Maybe that was because of how much time had gone by or maybe she had the faith to know it was meant to be but whatever it was I was glad she shared this with me and I was so impressed with her strength to share it without all the sorrow and regret I expected it would bring up. She was a pillar of faith and strength.
I learned at her funeral some wonderful stories about her. I also learned that around Thanksgiving she let her children know she wouldn't be here for very much longer. She knew her time was short, but didn't know exactly when she would go. She died on Thursday Dec. 15th. She got her temple recommend renewed 2 weeks before she died. She was too sick to visit the temple but she wanted to have a current temple recommend. One story that I love, was told by my aunt who heard it from someone else because my grandma would have never shared it. When she was pregnant with one of her kids she hand made an outfit. Before her baby was born another couple nearby had a baby and it died. They didn't have money to buy the baby an outfit to be buried in so my grandmother took her handmade outfit for her baby to this couple to use for their baby.
My aunt (my grandmas only daughter) also told us that she had found a history that my grandma had been writing and she shared the first paragraph of it with us I remember the first line. I can't quote it exactly but it went something like this "My life has been uneventfully happy with a few incidents of sadness (maybe she said sorrow)." This line really surprised my aunt and me because my grandma lost 3 children, and her husband whom she loved dearly. She lived alone for over 19 years then was moved into a home because she needed a lot of care. But she had lived a happy life. So though you might look at her life and think it was a hard life with lots of sadness. To her it was a happy life with a little bit of sadness. I remember visiting her when she was still living alone but had started to need a lot of care. My children, some of whom were little and didn't know better, asked her if she was going to die. She said that she didn't think she was going to die anytime soon nor did she want to. I asked, because I'm not proper and was curious, why she wanted to stay here. (I can't remember how I worded it, I don't think she was offended we were just having a frank conversation) anyway, she said there was a great great grandbaby being born in a few months and she had a son and daughter-in-law who were out in the mission field and were returning home in a few months as well, these were things she was looking forward to. I left thinking these things will always be going on she will never be ready to leave us. But I think when her time came she made sure she was ready to leave us but until then she would look forward to all the wonderful things going on in her family members lives. She was happy, she was content with what life had in store for her and enjoyed each day. What an amazing woman.
On the back of the program for the funeral was some advice she wanted to leave everyone. I love this and treasure these words from her. I love that they are not just words but that they are how she lived her life. They are her example for us. Here is what she said "Some advice I would like to give my posterity is to not wish your life away, just enjoy everyday as it comes along. Never forget to pray, 'Pray as if your life depends upon it and then get off your knees and go to work.' Always remember that even if you love your spouse, to cherish is more important. I really cherished Wayne (her husband), and I just think that a lot of people profess love but they don't take care of loved ones the way they should. I love all of you, from the oldest to the youngest. Love, Mom and Grandma." How special it is to have this.
My uncle Raymond, her second son talked of what a loving mother she was and how they were never spanked at least that he could remember. This brought back to me another memory of a talk I had with my grandma. I visited my grandma when my older kids were smaller and she gave me some parenting advice. She told me if you are going to spank your kids you do it before the age of 2. They are old enough to learn but too young to remember being spanked. My grandma's college education was in Home economics and child development. Hence the great cook and the wonderful Mother she was to her children. She sounded like the perfect mother. I am sure this is a slight exaggeration but I'm also sure she was a very loving, selfless mother.
I left her funeral wanting to be closer to the family, the extended family, wanting to be a better mother, A better wife, a better friend, a kinder neighbor, a better servant to Heavenly Father, I hope one day I can be like she is.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
The most wonderful woman I know, Tribute to my Grandmother
So my Grandma died yesterday around 6:00 pm. Heaven got an angel last night and earth lost one. And while this is truly a blessing for her, I am still sad. She is an amazing woman one whom I would like to grow up to be just like. So I wanted to put down in writing some of my best memories of Grandma. She will truly be missed.
I was lucky enough to live next door to this sweet woman for almost 21 years then I got to move in with her for about 7 months after Jon and I were married until we moved to Logan. I always thought that had we been the same age we would have been great friends. I don't just consider her my grandma but she is my friend and I love her so much. All this time spent with her has given me many memories and great times with her.
When we were little we would always play at her house she had so many fun toys that we would all fight over. We would ride our bikes around my grandparents house I don't know if it was because they had more sidewalk or they were tending us or we just loved being over there, I'd like to think the latter. They had an orchard in their back yard when I was a little older almost a teenager. We would rake the leaves into house layouts and play there for hours. When ever we would burn ourselves we would run to her house because she had an aloe vera plant that she would cut a piece from and squeeze the juice out onto our fingers. We would run over there when we needed bandaids as well and she would always have bandaids for us and bandage us up.
Sleep overs at my Grandmas house were the best. We would get to sleep over usually if cousins were sleeping over since we did live right next door. We would always wear her nightgowns she had a whole bunch of silky nightgowns that we would all want to wear to bed so she would pull them all out of her drawers and let us choose which one we wanted to wear. It was always a fun time at her house.
I loved it when my grandma would cook for us. She made the best food. She taught me secrets about cooking eggs, using milk and not over cooking them. She got me to love green beans now my favorite vegetable because of how she would prepare it. There were vegetables always at every meal. If she fixed you lunch it was not just a sandwich. One of my favorite lunches that we shared a lot was a frozen pizza, a totinos, with broccoli or green beans on the side. I loved that lunch. She made squash taste awesome and cooked carrots. You really couldn't not like a vegetable that she cooked.
She also taught me so much. Whenever we would go over she would ask us if we wanted a cookie or graham cracker. We were kids, of course the answer was yes but a lot of times (probably so not put her out) when she asked I would say I don't care. She would come back with “I don't care either so if you want one you need to say yes please or no thank you if you don't”. She taught me about cooking as well. She also gave me advice on Marriage. As I said earlier my husband and I lived with her when we were first married her husband had been dead many years so it was her and us. Well on night I was surprising Jon with dinner. She only had one kitchen so we shared it with her. While I was making dinner she had company so I was cooking alone in her kitchen and had everything ready. I sat down at the table to wait for Jon who was supposed to be home but had not returned from work yet. I was getting mad the more the time went by and after her company left she came in the kitchen because she could tell I was getting mad. And she said to me you know I learned a long time ago with your grandpa the they can't read our minds. I had told her about the dinner so she knew he didn't know about it. She said he doesn't know you have anything planned for him and he might have had something come up you don't know why he is delayed. She calmed me down and helped me to not be angry at him because she was right I didn't know if anything important or serious had delayed him and he didn't know there was dinner waiting for him. She was so full of wisdom and understanding and she shared it in such a kind caring way that you knew she loved you and wanted to help.
One of the things I loved to talk about with her when I would come to visit is the family. She knew everything who was having a baby, who was moving, what people were up to and not just her kids she knew all of this information about her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She was so excited for each new baby being born. I think she really liked talking about everyone's happening and it wasn't gossip at all because my Grandmother did not participate in such an activity. When ever she reported on the family everything she ever said was kind and she was full of love for her children, her grandchildren, and her great grandchildren, and recently great great grandchildren. She had an amazing memory so she would go through all of her grandchildren and know the names and ages of all of their children. It was so much fun to listen to her talk about her family.
I really think this is why she hung on for so long. It was for us. As much as we will miss her I know she will miss all of us so much. I think if she could have had her way she would be here until we were all gone and since generations keep going and going that would be forever. She didn't want to leave all of her family even though where she is, she has a better chance of watching over us and helping us. But her family was her life. If you ever visited with her for long you could really feel that. Just walking into her house you knew that was true, pictures of everyone and their families all over her living room.
She is amazing and we will miss her leadership and example. Love you Grandma. See you in awhile. In the meantime tell my Dad I love him and miss him and grandpa too. And catch up with all your brothers and sisters and your other sons and all your loved ones there. Check in on us every once in awhile to see how we are doing. I know you will.
I was lucky enough to live next door to this sweet woman for almost 21 years then I got to move in with her for about 7 months after Jon and I were married until we moved to Logan. I always thought that had we been the same age we would have been great friends. I don't just consider her my grandma but she is my friend and I love her so much. All this time spent with her has given me many memories and great times with her.
When we were little we would always play at her house she had so many fun toys that we would all fight over. We would ride our bikes around my grandparents house I don't know if it was because they had more sidewalk or they were tending us or we just loved being over there, I'd like to think the latter. They had an orchard in their back yard when I was a little older almost a teenager. We would rake the leaves into house layouts and play there for hours. When ever we would burn ourselves we would run to her house because she had an aloe vera plant that she would cut a piece from and squeeze the juice out onto our fingers. We would run over there when we needed bandaids as well and she would always have bandaids for us and bandage us up.
Sleep overs at my Grandmas house were the best. We would get to sleep over usually if cousins were sleeping over since we did live right next door. We would always wear her nightgowns she had a whole bunch of silky nightgowns that we would all want to wear to bed so she would pull them all out of her drawers and let us choose which one we wanted to wear. It was always a fun time at her house.
I loved it when my grandma would cook for us. She made the best food. She taught me secrets about cooking eggs, using milk and not over cooking them. She got me to love green beans now my favorite vegetable because of how she would prepare it. There were vegetables always at every meal. If she fixed you lunch it was not just a sandwich. One of my favorite lunches that we shared a lot was a frozen pizza, a totinos, with broccoli or green beans on the side. I loved that lunch. She made squash taste awesome and cooked carrots. You really couldn't not like a vegetable that she cooked.
She also taught me so much. Whenever we would go over she would ask us if we wanted a cookie or graham cracker. We were kids, of course the answer was yes but a lot of times (probably so not put her out) when she asked I would say I don't care. She would come back with “I don't care either so if you want one you need to say yes please or no thank you if you don't”. She taught me about cooking as well. She also gave me advice on Marriage. As I said earlier my husband and I lived with her when we were first married her husband had been dead many years so it was her and us. Well on night I was surprising Jon with dinner. She only had one kitchen so we shared it with her. While I was making dinner she had company so I was cooking alone in her kitchen and had everything ready. I sat down at the table to wait for Jon who was supposed to be home but had not returned from work yet. I was getting mad the more the time went by and after her company left she came in the kitchen because she could tell I was getting mad. And she said to me you know I learned a long time ago with your grandpa the they can't read our minds. I had told her about the dinner so she knew he didn't know about it. She said he doesn't know you have anything planned for him and he might have had something come up you don't know why he is delayed. She calmed me down and helped me to not be angry at him because she was right I didn't know if anything important or serious had delayed him and he didn't know there was dinner waiting for him. She was so full of wisdom and understanding and she shared it in such a kind caring way that you knew she loved you and wanted to help.
One of the things I loved to talk about with her when I would come to visit is the family. She knew everything who was having a baby, who was moving, what people were up to and not just her kids she knew all of this information about her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She was so excited for each new baby being born. I think she really liked talking about everyone's happening and it wasn't gossip at all because my Grandmother did not participate in such an activity. When ever she reported on the family everything she ever said was kind and she was full of love for her children, her grandchildren, and her great grandchildren, and recently great great grandchildren. She had an amazing memory so she would go through all of her grandchildren and know the names and ages of all of their children. It was so much fun to listen to her talk about her family.
I really think this is why she hung on for so long. It was for us. As much as we will miss her I know she will miss all of us so much. I think if she could have had her way she would be here until we were all gone and since generations keep going and going that would be forever. She didn't want to leave all of her family even though where she is, she has a better chance of watching over us and helping us. But her family was her life. If you ever visited with her for long you could really feel that. Just walking into her house you knew that was true, pictures of everyone and their families all over her living room.
She is amazing and we will miss her leadership and example. Love you Grandma. See you in awhile. In the meantime tell my Dad I love him and miss him and grandpa too. And catch up with all your brothers and sisters and your other sons and all your loved ones there. Check in on us every once in awhile to see how we are doing. I know you will.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Trials and Tribulations Revised
Trials and tribulations are subjects that have been on my mind quite a lot lately, especially as I see family and friends having to go through them. I have often felt my own life has been pretty bumped and bruised free I wouldn't say easy, but relatively trial free. And as I have thought and pondered on this (not too long because God usually grants you what you ask for, I really don't want trials and tribulations brought down on my head) I wondered if it's because I'm not worth the refiners fire or am not strong enough to handle as much as other people. If you stop reading now because I sound like a spoiled child you'll miss that I am totally wrong nor has life been easy or trial free for me, just bear with my craziness for a moment. I felt that my life was relatively trial free as I compared my hardships to those around me. But as I look back on what I feel now weren't very hard trials the fact of the matter is they were really hard times just different than what others are experiencing. That is the way it is supposed to be though. We are all different so the same trials wouldn't help one like it does another. Just like disciplining children, I have 5 and have to discipline 5 different ways.
So for my benefit I wanted to write about the hardest time in my life. I guess it's easy to forget how hard this time period was because so much time has gone by. But one thing I can not forget is what this hard time has turned me into nor would I wish to undo that.
I will start in August of 1988, I was 12 years old, I was in the sixth grade had a best friend 2 houses down, had been in the Young Women group in my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, since January. Life was pretty good. Well I can't remember the exact day but in this month my Grandmother (my mother's mom) died. I didn't really feel much of anything at first. It wasn't really real to me. Then we went to the funeral and you know the viewing for family right before the funeral well we were at that saying our last goodbyes. I'm not sure I had really shed many tears yet. We were gathered around her casket and it was time to start the funeral so we all said goodbye and they closed the casket. I started crying uncontrollably. I could not stop in one moment just closing the lid on her made death so real and it felt so final and I could not stop crying. We were sitting in the funeral and I was bawling and my Aunt got up to sing a song I can't remember the song or if there were other people singing with her, but as is usually the case in our hardest times, I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly telling me it's ok and it's not the end. I had such peace and love swarm over me that just as abruptly as my crying started, it ended. I stopped crying and knew I would see her again and she was happier where she was. I will never forget that experience.
Well life got back to normal after a little while. It usually has a way of doing that. So fast forward to May of 1989 about 8 months later. It is May 2nd a Tuesday afternoon around 4 pm. My memory is much more clear on this one, you'll understand why in a minute. I am working on a Thirteen page paper for 7th grade English class, a page for each year of my life. I am now thirteen years old. My sister runs in the house and sends me to get my grandfather because my father is passed out on the lawn. My father is a diabetic and if his bloodsugar gets too low this can happen. It wasn't anything completely new. I figured he needed some sugar. So I ran to my Grandparents house (my father's parents who lived right behind our house) and got my grandpa. My Dad had been sweeping out our van so he was laying on the front lawn. He was being taken care of so I went back to my paper which I had just started and which was due the next day. I had young womens that night and had to get it done or mostly done before then. Here the memory starts to fade a bit I don't know exactly all that happened in this short time frame. I hadn't been working on my paper again for long when things got really crazy. An ambulance was called, my oldest brother was doing CPR, we called my mom at school (she was a teacher) and told her to meet the ambulance with Dad at the hospital. My brother just older than me started acting really crazy, running around, panicking, talking really fast. We ended up having to get him medicine to calm him down. Because of the ambulance there were neighbors all over our yard and in our house helping in anyway they could. My oldest brother who had been doing CPR had taken off once the ambulance had left to head to St. George (about a 20 minute drive) where the nearest hospital was. We found out later he had ran to the next town Laverkin about 4 miles to visit a friends grave who had recently died. We got a call later that evening maybe 6:00 pm I can't remember for sure that we could come to the hospital. I thought that meant he was ok they had got him stabilized and had him in a room where we were aloud to go visit him. My grandpa's brother I think is the one that drove us over to the hospital. We (I think all the kids were there my oldest brother might have been gone still) walk in the front doors and someone says he's gone. I yelled out “no” and burst into tears. I really thought he was ok that we were just going to visit him in his hospital room. I had actually thought on the way over 'if he dies I don't have to turn in my paper' (please don't judge I can't tell you how that thought has haunted me over the years). But I truly thought he was going to be ok. The week went by in a haze and we had his funeral ( He was a school teacher as well and loved by many people the school closed for his funeral ) it was on a Friday. Life kind of passed after that in a haze. Things never really got back to normal, how could they when you lose a parent. My mom had us go to counseling to talk about our feelings and things. I remember going but don't remember much about what was said by myself or others.
Days and months past and in October of this (1989) year my brother left on his mission to Guatemala. So our oldest brother, the new man of the house was gone. My grandpa who lived next door sort of filled that role as best he could, he gave us all blessings at the MTC before my brother left. They lived so close we could always run to him and my grandma for anything.
Flash forward 7 more months and it was a year now that my Dad had been dead. Things had a new normal we were surviving some better than others and then on May 16th I am at school at P.E. Playing softball with my class I am in line to bat and I see my older sister and my brother just older than I pull up. They roll down the window and I start to tease them about sluffing High school and then I see their faces. All of a sudden I know why they are there and I just start crying. They tell me I need to get in the car and we need to go home. My Grandfather who lived next door just died. I remember someone in my family saying to God “Why don't you just take the whole damn family” pardon my language but this is the state we were in at the time. Not even close to healed wounds were ripped open again and it was hard, life was sad. I remember for weeks and months after being worried that once again I would be pulled out of school with the news my Grandmother had died. Luckily that didn't happen and wounds healed and the people, the family members were missed but not forgotten. There was hope. Never had the resurrection mattered so much to me then it did at this time. I knew I would see all of my loved ones especially my father again.
I'm sorry if this made you feel unconfortable or if it made you feel sorry for me. It was for my benefit that I wrote all of this down. I have been through a little refining fire in my life. I am worth refining and I am strong enough to make it through hard things just like we all are. Do I feel like I passed my test with flying colors? Did I do everything right during these hard times? No way, I stumbled, I fell. But I emerged better than before with more faith in my Savior Jesus Christ and in His atoning sacrifice, and for me that is what counts.
Now that it has been over 20 years I can see the benefit of the trials and tribulations I went through. This may sound terrible but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am who I am because of these things I have learned so much and changed so much that I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for sending me tests to make me who he wants me to be. I am not there of course far from it. Lots more growing and changing to come and hopefully with the next batch of struggles I can turn to Him for help and make the right choices through it all and be better once again for having gone through it.
Now I feel I should clarify that I wrote about the hardest time in my life. Please don't think that I've only had this one trial 20+ years ago and nothing since. There have been other trials some so personal I wouldn't share in a blog nor in a personal journal that one day others might see. I've learned and have grown so much from those experiences as well. One particular trial has taught me humility, patience, forgiveness, charity. All lessons I am grateful for and though I would not do anything different I still can't say with the same confidence that I could about my other trial that I wouldn't have it any other way. I think that perspective comes after many years of seeing the benefits of the trial which amount of time has not passed yet. I do have faith that I will get to that point, all suffering and hard times we go through if handled with faith patience, and love for Heavenly Father and with a desire for his will to be done in our lives, will be consecrated for our good and rewards will be given to us in the eternities.
I think it's so important not to look at others and think they have it easy or they have it so hard. We don't know what has happened in others lives or what is to come. We don't know the faith building experiences and the growth taking place in those that are struggling. Everyone goes through hard times of course not all at the same time. That would be a lot of work for the angels in Heaven to have to lift up and comfort all of God's children at the same time. So the needs are spread out so we can be each others angels and help and boost each other during our hardest times. In the name of Jesus Christ amen.
So for my benefit I wanted to write about the hardest time in my life. I guess it's easy to forget how hard this time period was because so much time has gone by. But one thing I can not forget is what this hard time has turned me into nor would I wish to undo that.
I will start in August of 1988, I was 12 years old, I was in the sixth grade had a best friend 2 houses down, had been in the Young Women group in my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, since January. Life was pretty good. Well I can't remember the exact day but in this month my Grandmother (my mother's mom) died. I didn't really feel much of anything at first. It wasn't really real to me. Then we went to the funeral and you know the viewing for family right before the funeral well we were at that saying our last goodbyes. I'm not sure I had really shed many tears yet. We were gathered around her casket and it was time to start the funeral so we all said goodbye and they closed the casket. I started crying uncontrollably. I could not stop in one moment just closing the lid on her made death so real and it felt so final and I could not stop crying. We were sitting in the funeral and I was bawling and my Aunt got up to sing a song I can't remember the song or if there were other people singing with her, but as is usually the case in our hardest times, I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly telling me it's ok and it's not the end. I had such peace and love swarm over me that just as abruptly as my crying started, it ended. I stopped crying and knew I would see her again and she was happier where she was. I will never forget that experience.
Well life got back to normal after a little while. It usually has a way of doing that. So fast forward to May of 1989 about 8 months later. It is May 2nd a Tuesday afternoon around 4 pm. My memory is much more clear on this one, you'll understand why in a minute. I am working on a Thirteen page paper for 7th grade English class, a page for each year of my life. I am now thirteen years old. My sister runs in the house and sends me to get my grandfather because my father is passed out on the lawn. My father is a diabetic and if his bloodsugar gets too low this can happen. It wasn't anything completely new. I figured he needed some sugar. So I ran to my Grandparents house (my father's parents who lived right behind our house) and got my grandpa. My Dad had been sweeping out our van so he was laying on the front lawn. He was being taken care of so I went back to my paper which I had just started and which was due the next day. I had young womens that night and had to get it done or mostly done before then. Here the memory starts to fade a bit I don't know exactly all that happened in this short time frame. I hadn't been working on my paper again for long when things got really crazy. An ambulance was called, my oldest brother was doing CPR, we called my mom at school (she was a teacher) and told her to meet the ambulance with Dad at the hospital. My brother just older than me started acting really crazy, running around, panicking, talking really fast. We ended up having to get him medicine to calm him down. Because of the ambulance there were neighbors all over our yard and in our house helping in anyway they could. My oldest brother who had been doing CPR had taken off once the ambulance had left to head to St. George (about a 20 minute drive) where the nearest hospital was. We found out later he had ran to the next town Laverkin about 4 miles to visit a friends grave who had recently died. We got a call later that evening maybe 6:00 pm I can't remember for sure that we could come to the hospital. I thought that meant he was ok they had got him stabilized and had him in a room where we were aloud to go visit him. My grandpa's brother I think is the one that drove us over to the hospital. We (I think all the kids were there my oldest brother might have been gone still) walk in the front doors and someone says he's gone. I yelled out “no” and burst into tears. I really thought he was ok that we were just going to visit him in his hospital room. I had actually thought on the way over 'if he dies I don't have to turn in my paper' (please don't judge I can't tell you how that thought has haunted me over the years). But I truly thought he was going to be ok. The week went by in a haze and we had his funeral ( He was a school teacher as well and loved by many people the school closed for his funeral ) it was on a Friday. Life kind of passed after that in a haze. Things never really got back to normal, how could they when you lose a parent. My mom had us go to counseling to talk about our feelings and things. I remember going but don't remember much about what was said by myself or others.
Days and months past and in October of this (1989) year my brother left on his mission to Guatemala. So our oldest brother, the new man of the house was gone. My grandpa who lived next door sort of filled that role as best he could, he gave us all blessings at the MTC before my brother left. They lived so close we could always run to him and my grandma for anything.
Flash forward 7 more months and it was a year now that my Dad had been dead. Things had a new normal we were surviving some better than others and then on May 16th I am at school at P.E. Playing softball with my class I am in line to bat and I see my older sister and my brother just older than I pull up. They roll down the window and I start to tease them about sluffing High school and then I see their faces. All of a sudden I know why they are there and I just start crying. They tell me I need to get in the car and we need to go home. My Grandfather who lived next door just died. I remember someone in my family saying to God “Why don't you just take the whole damn family” pardon my language but this is the state we were in at the time. Not even close to healed wounds were ripped open again and it was hard, life was sad. I remember for weeks and months after being worried that once again I would be pulled out of school with the news my Grandmother had died. Luckily that didn't happen and wounds healed and the people, the family members were missed but not forgotten. There was hope. Never had the resurrection mattered so much to me then it did at this time. I knew I would see all of my loved ones especially my father again.
I'm sorry if this made you feel unconfortable or if it made you feel sorry for me. It was for my benefit that I wrote all of this down. I have been through a little refining fire in my life. I am worth refining and I am strong enough to make it through hard things just like we all are. Do I feel like I passed my test with flying colors? Did I do everything right during these hard times? No way, I stumbled, I fell. But I emerged better than before with more faith in my Savior Jesus Christ and in His atoning sacrifice, and for me that is what counts.
Now that it has been over 20 years I can see the benefit of the trials and tribulations I went through. This may sound terrible but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am who I am because of these things I have learned so much and changed so much that I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for sending me tests to make me who he wants me to be. I am not there of course far from it. Lots more growing and changing to come and hopefully with the next batch of struggles I can turn to Him for help and make the right choices through it all and be better once again for having gone through it.
Now I feel I should clarify that I wrote about the hardest time in my life. Please don't think that I've only had this one trial 20+ years ago and nothing since. There have been other trials some so personal I wouldn't share in a blog nor in a personal journal that one day others might see. I've learned and have grown so much from those experiences as well. One particular trial has taught me humility, patience, forgiveness, charity. All lessons I am grateful for and though I would not do anything different I still can't say with the same confidence that I could about my other trial that I wouldn't have it any other way. I think that perspective comes after many years of seeing the benefits of the trial which amount of time has not passed yet. I do have faith that I will get to that point, all suffering and hard times we go through if handled with faith patience, and love for Heavenly Father and with a desire for his will to be done in our lives, will be consecrated for our good and rewards will be given to us in the eternities.
I think it's so important not to look at others and think they have it easy or they have it so hard. We don't know what has happened in others lives or what is to come. We don't know the faith building experiences and the growth taking place in those that are struggling. Everyone goes through hard times of course not all at the same time. That would be a lot of work for the angels in Heaven to have to lift up and comfort all of God's children at the same time. So the needs are spread out so we can be each others angels and help and boost each other during our hardest times. In the name of Jesus Christ amen.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
New York Trip day 4
View form our Hotel room in New York, a little roof top garden.
Here it is our last day in New york.
We checked out of our Hotel at about 9:00am. The Hotel was so accommodating. They let us check in early. Then when we checked out they held our luggage for us so we could go play some more before having to be at the airport by 5:30 pm to catch our 7:00pm flight home. So we checked out printed our plane tickets in the hotel left them with our luggage and headed off for the subway to Central park.
It was Sunday this day so I had planned for some quieter things this day. On the list was Central Park, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, and more exploring of Rockefeller center.
Central Park was beautiful took tons of pictures. We took a bike taxi ride around it loved it. Then we went back downtown to Rockefeller center and had lunch took pictures of their popular statues watched some ice skating on the famous ice rink. Didn't skate though. Then we headed back uptown to The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
This building is gigantic on the inside you can see that it is a couple of buildings joined together. The building is beautiful. There was so much to see here that we could not make it through the whole museum with the time we had so we walked around a little bit. I got in trouble because I started taking pictures and the flash automatically came on. That is bad. After seeing some art that we were not particularly interested in and a bunch of naked statues, we decide to get out the map and see if there was something more interesting to us. We decided to check out the 19th and 20th century art and we hit the jack pot. We saw Monets and Van Goh's. Jon recognized some of the paintings from an art appreciation class he took in college and I recognized some from Baby Einsteins and Little Einsteins. Then we checked out some modern art which turned out to be something a child could do (splatters on a wall). There was one exhibit made me think of paint store card samples or a xylophone. It was just big rectangular solid color blocks about a foot apart of different colors. We also saw some Picassos.
We headed back to our Hotel to grab our luggage and get to the airport. As we got back to our hotel right before we picked up our luggage a lady stopped us on the street and asked where the nearest subway entrance was and without really pausing we said “down this street and around the corner”. We felt like we had mastered the subways in Manhattan and enjoyed the chance to answers others questions. We hadn't really mastered them but we were doing pretty good by that last day. One of the fun things about New york was the many means of travel we used to get around. We went by airplane, car (taxi), Train (subway), and Boat (ferry). It was so fun to be able to tell our children that in few days time we used so many different modes of transportation.
We flew to Chicago for a brief layover, ate some yummy deep dish pizza. Even the airport variety was delicious. Jon said it was the best food we had eaten the entire trip (with the exception of a roomservice new york style cheese cake). Then we hopped back on a plane to Las Vegas and our Four Seasons Hotel room which we paid $20.00 for and when we went to check in at 1:00 am monday morning were upgrade to a one room suit. Did not want to leave this hotel. The bed was amazing not too soft not too firm. Perfect.
It was an amazing fun trip one I'm so glad to have experienced with my best friend and love of my life Jon.
We took a picture of this because this is about how many people were at occupy wall street (the same amount lining up for Sunday shopping at the Apple store. (FAO Shwarz was right there as well)
Rockefeller Center statues
There were churches like this all over Manhattan, right in the middle of the skyscrapers
The Metropolitan Museum
Hotel in Vegas
Entry
1st bathroom 1/2 bath
Closets
Bedroom
Living room
Second bathroom complete with robes.
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